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  • Brad Eck

Your Spouse Comes First

"We didn't plan this journey; for all of those on this journey it just happened to us. In our case, though, what we did plan was our response. We committed to each other before having children that we would raise our children - no matter if they were healthy or not. And most importantly, we would do this together."

In chapter one of the book #specialisms, I speak long and hard on our marriage. One might think, "C'mon man, what does this have to do with raising a special needs kid?" Well, this is by no accident. I am convinced, after our experiences, and as I continue to be involved in the world that is special needs, that a strong marriage is an incredibly important aspect of succeeding in your effort of parenting a special needs child.

So, this post is really intended to zoom in on this topic because of how important we believe it is. So let's get a few things out of the way because I am sure I have already ruffled some feathers:


I didn't say that the opposite was true.


Many of you are in the position of being a single mom or dad.


This message isn't for you.


But it is for all of those who are married. And specifically those who are struggling in your marriage. Marriage is tough. Add children, it's tougher. Add special needs kid(s) and it's extremely difficult. But. It's worth it. When you can get on the same page and align in the direction you want to go, one plus one equals three and you would be amazed how it will help in raising your kid.

So, for starters, go get a therapist / counselor / psychologist / whatever. Someone who shares your worldview, but specializes in relationships. Get it now when things are good and you can agree on a plan. If things are already bad, no matter who is at fault (because we all know it's "their" fault), get a therapist asap. Stuff your selfishness and the "but he/she" blame game and commit to finding your way through this.

And here's something unpopular today, do you want to give your kid the best opportunity for success? Fix your marriage. You'd be hard pressed to find a kid glad that his parents were divorced when he was young. The reasoning that "it's better for the kids" is bull%^&*. Suck it up and get it together. Your children deserve better - they deserve parents who fight for their marriage.

Stop with the excuses. Get help. Figure it out. Your and your kids life depends on it.